My Big Kid This Week

Before Lenya was born, I signed up with a website called to know how she was growing each week inside of me. When I signed up for this weekly update, I didn’t realize it would continue on after she was born. Every week, for her whole life I have received an email saying, “your two year old this week,” or “your 4 year old this week,” and so on.

And now, I continue to receive weekly emails, and they always make my heart skip a beat.

“Your 5 year old this week.”

My heart usually fills with aching, and then, as I read what she would be up to if she were still here with us, I smile, knowing that what she is really currently doing is far far better than that.


Often, my husband and I will ask our daughters what they think Lenya is doing in heaven at that particular moment. There have been many answers, some of which are “riding on a white horse” or “riding on a flying unicorn” or “dancing and twirling” or “swimming with dolphins.” We love to think about what she might be doing, knowing full well, that she’s doing the most wild, risky, crazy thing that she can possibly do.

We may not know exactly what activities the Lenya Lion is up to, but we do know that she is present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8) and that there’s a party in the presence of the angels when a sinner repents (Luke 15:10), and that there is constant worship going on (Revelation 4). We have experienced this nearness to heaven when we see and hear of people surrendering there lives to Christ, and we have a dance party – which is something we used to do with Lenya here with us. And whenever we are worshiping whether in church or at home or at the ocean or in the mountains, there’s also a nearness to the activity of heaven.

While my updates of what Lenya would be doing might say, “riding a two wheeled bike” or “tying her own shoes” or “growing in confidence” –  I know we’re not “missing out” and neither is she, because she’s with God, experiencing the life she was made for and meant to live. And soon and very soon we will all be together living such a life!

“In Your presence is fullness of joy.” Psalm 16:11





  • Shaena Crespo

    Your heart is beautiful. Xoxo

  • Shawna Powers Butterfield

    Your truly an inspiration ♥♥ your strength!

  • Jennifer Lloyd Green

    I know your Lenya Lion is doing something more daring than just riding a flying unicorn (I think she tried to demonstrate that once in my Fresh Life Kids class, now that I think of it). She is one spunky, adventure-filled child of God … miss her too. Thanks for posting this great post, made me smile thinking up all the “trouble” she is more than likely trying to stir up … am looking forward to joining her in the Presence of the King one day. Prayers for you today, Jenni, you are doing a great job as a Mom and a Wife and a Blogger!

  • Chelsea O’Shea

    Jennie, you are such a blessing of an example to all women around you. While a lot of us have not experienced such a tragic loss in our lifetime, you should know that the fearless way that you and your family trust in The Lord with all your hearts is the most amazing influence and best example I have ever experienced. You are so dear to my heart, Jennie. Xoxo

  • Kelli McLean

    I love this so much. Your faith is so uplifting and inspiring. <3 you!

  • Dana Kruckenberg

    Jenny, my husband died of early-onset dementia in January, age 57. Your post about your daughter’s life in heaven reminds me of what I say to others when they ask how it’s been: Steve’s worst day in heaven (an impossibility, I know!) is better than our best day here on earth.” God has given us both a new life! Dana Kruckenberg, “Today’s Project,”

  • Julia Davids

    I tot I was the only one who used to do this – “‘if my son was here, what would he be doing now?” my son died at childbirth , very cute and everything I asked for in him was what he came into this world with. God hears and listens to all of our mundane prayer. I was very thrilled when he came with the particular nails and head shape I had prayed about. It was so unbelievable! God be praised, my dear, Father knows what’s best. Julia Davids